i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
