my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
