LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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