Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
