I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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