It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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