i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We are all done wearing pants today
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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