is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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