You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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