the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
honey bunches of taint.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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