I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
