Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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