the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
