This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
