so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I look better un-naked...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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