she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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