I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
