oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
