Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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