I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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