D3 body, D1 cock
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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