I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
