you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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