On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
