roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know what to do about my nipple.