Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
