I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
