How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
