he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
