a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
