So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
