I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
