just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
