Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
