so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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