Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
