My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
