i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
