Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
