Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
