I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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