i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
