there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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