I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
