I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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