So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
a search helicopter?!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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