Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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