Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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