i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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