happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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