Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
