shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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