you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
