This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
