I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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