She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
