Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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