i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
