We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize