Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
