rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
