I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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