I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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