Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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