Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
