I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
