Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.