when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone