he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.