Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(855): View more from

somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

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(732): View more from New Jersey

wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?

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(408): View more from California

So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.

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(970): View more from Colorado

We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, its January.

(970): View more from Colorado

We're going to do the voices too.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?

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(913): View more from Kansas

I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis

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(513): View more from Ohio

When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.

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