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have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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