I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.