Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.