i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.