you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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