Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love black thongs
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
