I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
