I wish I could punch you in the face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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