will power is for people who don't want to get laid
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
