lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
