hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We named our party play list daddy issues
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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