is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wish i was in the wii world.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
