my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
