drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
