I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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